It started with the Patriots secretly videotaping their opponents during practice. Then it was the Giants using walkie-talkies on the sideline. Now comes word that Chicago Bears owner Virginia McCaskey will be disciplined by the NFL for using homing pigeons.
Long a fan of the winged messenger birds, McCaskey’s plan was quite simple. She would release the carrier pigeons prior to the start of home games after watching her opponents during warm-ups. At that point, the birds would circle around the visitors’ sidelines of Soldier Field a few times, dodge errant bullets from Englewood and Riverdale, and then head for their pigeon coop hidden above the owner’s box.
The messages were then taken off of the pigeons’ ankles by Bears GM Ryan Pace and relayed to head coach John Fox using an even more primitive form of technology, a flip-phone.
The NFL became suspicious after a frozen bird was seen falling from the sky last week versus the Packers. The pigeonsicle landed next to Clay Matthews, nearly striking him and worse yet, interrupted him while he was thinking about his next audition.
NFL offices, quick to make an example of McCaskey, used local law enforcement and sent in the Untouchables to raided Bears headquarters. It was there they confiscated two transistor radios, some prohibition-era scotch, and three sled dog teams with scouting reports that were poised to make the dangerous trek to Minnesota for the season finale in two weeks time.