U.S. News & World Report today released its annual list of most secure jobs in American, and surprisingly “Jameis Winston Defense Attorney” was rated highest.

“Mr. Winston is young, high profile, with great long-term earning potential and always seeming to get caught up in some sort of legal drama,” said the publication’s business editor Bill Freeman. “That’s a defense attorney’s dream right there.”

Winston made headlines Wednesday when he was arrested for shoplifting $32.72 worth of crab legs from a Tallahassee grocery store. The Heisman-winning QB’s defense team immediately sprung into action, issuing a statement on Winston’s behalf that blamed the incident on “youthful ignorance” and recognizing that “my conduct needs to be above reproach.”

“Mr. Winston’s defense team seems to already be performing at a very high level,” said Freeman, “which is great to see because they’re probably going to be bailing him out of one bind or another for many years to come.”

hecklerstaff