The beer was chilled. The dip was out. The burgers were on the grill. But the guests never arrived.
“Everybody’s always talking about their awesome Super Bowl parties, but I always have to be at the actual Super Bowl,” said NFL commissioner Roger Goodell. “I thought maybe we could start a new tradition and make Pro Bowl Sunday like the new Super Bowl Sunday. I even made my own guacamole.”
Goodell had hoped for a more spirited and competitive game after last year’s lazy debacle and has hinted that he may discontinue the Pro Bowl. The pregame buzz centered around whether or not players would actually play with pride and try to win. The NFC defeated the AFC 62-35, but that wasn’t the outcome that interested Goodell.
“No one even replied to my Evite,” added Goodell. “Not Vilma, not Harrison, not even the guys who backed out of the Pro Bowl like Brady and Rodgers. I even sent out the invitations like months ago. Why does everyone hate me?”
The Pro Bowl itself featured some unique and interesting moments like Packers center Jeff Saturday lining up on the AFC side for one final snap to Broncos QB Peyton Manning, Texans DE J.J. Watt running slant and hitch patterns at wide receiver, and Browns K Phil Dawson attempting an onside kick with the back of his heel.
That kind of fun, yet apathetic effort didn’t make a strong case for continuing the Pro Bowl beyond this year, but it appears that Goodell’s poor turnout at his viewing party may have been its final nail in the coffin.
“I just don’t understand it,” said Goodell. “Who wouldn’t want to come and hang out with me at my house and watch the best of the best in football? Well if that’s how people really feel about it, maybe we just don’t do the Pro Bowl anymore!”