The Bears coaching staff has decided to shake up the offensive line for the third time this season, opting to replace the current offensive line with cardboard cutouts of Jimbo Covert, Mark Bortz, Jay Hilgenberg, Tom Thayer, and Keith Van Horne. The intimidation factor alone is going to do a better job than the real line.
“We don’t feel that we will lose that much in blocking going from the current players to using twin sheet all-weather cardboard,” said head coach Lovie Smith. “The major plus factor is we should no longer have any false starts or holding calls on first down.”
Tight end Kellen Davis will be in charge of moving and setting up the cut outs before each play, which will finally provide some justification for his paycheck.
Jay Cutler was excited by the latest development, saying: “It’s the not knowing that gets me, now I know I will have two seconds every play to do something with the ball.”
The NFL has stated that the Bears can only have as many cutouts on the sideline as they would with real players. They were afraid that the Bears would get a competitive advantage if one of the cutouts were to get damage or “injured” during the game and quickly replaced with a duplicated cutout. Bears training staff will be issued industrial grade duct tape to fix any injuries during the game, but that cutout would have to miss at least one play.