Mere days after signing with the Chicago Cubs, new players Nate Schierholtz and Kyuji Fujikawa have already put their local homes on the market in anticipation of inevitable mid-season trades.

“I figure I haven’t hung anything up yet, so there are no holes in the walls,” said Schierholtz. “My dog hasn’t peed anywhere. Why risk it?”

The ad Schierholtz put in a local paper read: “3 Bd, 2 Ba. Not lived in. Barely seen.”

Fujikawa, who has since signing made it clear that it was always his intention to come to the Cubs, made the decision in a different way.

“Upon examination of the roster, I see no reason for the historic Chicago Cubs to have a closer,” he said, through a translator. “For it is rare that they will take the lead at any point beyond May. Also, I have read about your housing market. Very poor.”

New pitchers Scott Baker and Scott Feldman have, together, found a way to circumnavigate the trouble by agreeing to rent and share a storage locker for the duration of their stay.

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