Leave it up to the NFL to take things to the extreme. In an effort to make play as safe as possible, the league has switched the entire game to two-hand touch to promote safety.
Under the collective bargaining agreement reached last night, the NFL will only allow players to use two hands to “tackle” players, no double touches, and if they push too hard, the opposing player’s mom will be allowed to yell at them from the window.
The third tree is now a touchdown, and the neighbor’s bushes are considered out, even if a player just rubs against them. And yes, a coat sleeve counts. Linemen and blitzing players have to count to seven one thousand, but can call blitz once every four downs, allowing the quarterback to run for it. If the quarterback doesn’t hear it, the play starts over, though.
On 4th down, while on defense, players can call check, check, double check, and if they lie about that, it’s a turnover.