A day after naming 25-year-old Scott Harris their director of baseball operations, the Cubs have unveiled a plan to get even younger in the front office, enlisting the services of graduates from the nation’s top junior high schools.
“Scott is a good start, but if you want the fresh ideas, you really need to go much younger,” said Cubs President Theo Epstein. “Like Markie Benson, our new head of player development. The kid just turned 14, but he already has like 3,000 Twitter followers. And you should hear what his pre-calculus teachers have to say about him.”
Epstein likened the team’s search for young execs to its search for baseball talent.
“We start signing and scouting the kids when they’re 12 or 13 in Latin America,” said Epstein. “No reason we shouldn’t be pulling in the business talent at the same age. Plus, these kids will work for like $8 an hour, plus free access to the XBox and Hot Pockets in the employee break room.”