The thrilling 24-24 tie between the San Francisco 49ers and the St. Louis Rams in Week 10 has Americans thinking about football — the version the rest of the world plays. As both teams fought hard to the end with nobody being the clear victor, NFL fans realized such drama is possible in nearly every soccer game ever played. Soccer has long been overlooked in the USA in favor of more popular sports like basketball, hockey, NASCAR, poker, and competitions where people cram absurd amounts of hot dogs into their faces, but that could be changing.
“That was awesome!” yelled a 49ers fan in a faded Jeff Garcia jersey after he witnessed his team neither win nor lose at Candlestick Park. “That game had everything that’s great about a soccer game. Alex Smith flopped and acted like that shot to the back of the head actually hurt, the clock stayed running while officials figured crap out, there were kicks missed at the end, and nobody was actually sure if the game was over or not! I could get used to this!”
The St. Louis Rams also took to soccer metaphors to help ease the mild sting of activating the 3rd column in the standings.
“You know, if you watch certain soccer matches where one team is a big underdog, and they end up getting a draw, it’s like a win to them,” said Rams head coach Jeff Fisher. “So I’m willing to say we won that game! Sure, we were handed three egregious yellow cards for violating completely fundamental football rules in extra time, but I feel good about the outcome!”
Major League Soccer later released a statement begging NFL fans to switch over and watch their playoffs, which are currently taking place. Fans ignored the call, thinking that Major League Soccer had to be something made-up because a form of professional soccer didn’t yet exist in America.