The city of Chicago received an early Halloween scare as the Bears struggled on Sunday to defeat a Carolina Panthers team with only one win on the season. For three quarters, the Bears’ offense was stagnant. Cutler, in particular, played so poorly that head coach Lovie Smith brought an exorcist into the locker room at halftime to help cure his star QB of any ills.
Suspicions were confirmed when a rogue spirit appeared: The Ghost of Grossman Past.
In a joint press conference, Smith and Father Patrick Callahan O’Malley broke the troubling news to the media.
“The timing of this possession was not a coincidence. The vengeful spirit of Rex Grossman is strongest near All Hallows Eve,” said Father O’Malley. “Most of the evil done on the field of play was in this building. It only makes sense that It would haunt these brave boys and their hollowed-out UFO of a field.”
O’Malley went on to say that the ghost was exorcised from Cutler at the end of the third quarter. The Ghost was not completely defeated, however. When asked about the status of the ghost, Smith replied, “Rex Grossman is my Ghost Quarterback, and his status will not change this week.”