ESPN sues Jets for not playing Tebow enough
on Oct 10, 2012
The stage was set for another miracle by Timothy “Jesus” Tebow under the bright lights of Monday Night Football. Only, the Jets didn’t get the memo. ESPN has filed for a multi-billion dollar lawsuit against the Jets for not playing Tim Tebow enough against the Texans Monday night.
Company loudmouth Stuart Scott was chosen to speak on ESPN’s behalf, blurting out, “We paid like a bajillion dollars for the rights to Monday Night Football, and this is what we get? Mark #$%@ing Sanchez under center?? I spent 90 percent of the pregame show hyping up the inevitable takeover by Tebow and it never happened! The guy is cool as the other side of the pillow. Dude’s got clear eyes, full heart, can’t lose! BOOYAH!”
Predictably, Sanchez’s effort was feeble as he completed fewer than 50 percent of his passes and threw two interceptions. Even die-hard Jets fans are upset at the current QB situation.
“I don’t pay thousands of dollars for my front-row season tickets to watch some hack like Mark Sanchez pretend he’s a real NFL quarterback,” Jets superfan Fireman Ed said. “I want to see 60 minutes of Tim Tebow running the option and throwing wobbly passes, then pulling a win out of his ass at the end! It’s what the people want! J-E-T-S, JETS, JETS, JETS!!!”
The Jets refused to officially comment on the lawsuit but sources inside the organization have said head coach Rex Ryan is planning a ritual sacrifice of Sanchez at practice this week, followed by the “baptism” of Tebow as the new starter.