Thousands of Packers fans across the country proudly wear foam blocks of cheese on their heads in support of their beloved team, no matter how stupid they look. They gladly put up with the odd looks and constant ridicule they receive. But after a Racine man was viciously attacked by a pack of rabid rats, cheeseheads may begin to give their ritual a second thought.

“I was just walking home from the bar, minding my own business and proudly sporting the cheddar atop my head,” said Gil Davis, who is known to take showers with his cheesehead on. “Suddenly, I’m engulfed by a pack of what must have been 25 rats. They worked me over like they had been planning this for weeks, devouring my cheesehead in a matter of minutes. I was helpless. I think one of them even took my wallet.”

While news to Packer fans, Davis claims this isn’t the first time he’s had an incident with rats and his cheesehead.

“I swear, one time a small group of them followed me home like I was the Pied Piper. But I got home before they could get to me.”

In truth, it was only a matter of time before something like this happened. Racine, known as one of the seven armpits of Wisconsin, has been battling an ongoing rat problem for decades. Residents have claimed to see rats the size of dogs roaming the streets. Packers fans slowed down by beer and brats, and wearing bright yellow blocks of cheese on their heads are only asking for trouble.

As unfortunate as this incident is, it won’t stop Packer fans from wearing their cheeseheads.

“I don’t care how dumb I look, or how many rats come after me,” said Davis. “I’m gonna be buried wearing my cheesehead, no matter what my wife says!”

Michael Kloempken