Bears players were at first excited to hear that Jay Cutler would be reading passages of his new book at a team meeting. This excitement quickly turned to horror when Cutler read snippets of his erotic novel debut — “Fifty Shades of Jay” — the story of a passionate love affair with the QB, written from the perspective of a recent female college graduate.
“Man that was an awkward meeting,” said Bears center Roberto Garza. “I know the narrator is a chick, but I am still mortified. I mean, that is my ass that Jay’s hands are under 60 times a game.”
Sample passages from “Fifty Shades of Jay” include:
“I had no idea being Jay’s center could be such a turn-on – watching him slip his hands underneath my ready thighs was an out-of-world experience. Jay penetrates the backfield, and I don’t know how he has the strength to keep going at this manic pace. But Jay is sending this game into overtime.”
“Jay jogs to the sidelines for a quick blow — and I am waiting. They say football is a game of inches, but from my experience it is a game of feet.”
“Jay goes deep and my inner goddess cups the pass. I run and run, and we could … go … all … the … way. Jay smiles at me, ‘It looks like I have finally found the perfect tight end.'”
Following the reading, several “weirded out” Bears players requested locker changes further from Cutler, while other players volunteered to be cut from the team.