Linsanity forces Tebow off the deep end; Broncos QB loses virginity while partying in Vegas
on Feb 15, 2012
Jeremy Lin is now the sports world’s most eligible bachelor, as Tim Tebow has shacked up with a mystery woman citing “Linsanity overload” as his inspiration.
Decked out in full uniform, Tebow partied and watched the Knicks-Raptors game at the Bellagio sports book in Las Vegas Tuesday night with a pack of “model types.” When Lin hit the game-winning three, Tebow reportedly jumped to his feet and shouted “It’s time for some Lintercourse!”
The Broncos’ quarterback left the Bellagio with at least three women on his arm, but ultimately broke away with a “curvy brunette” who has yet to be identified.
“A gentleman never kisses and tells,” the coy Tebow said. “… but it wasn’t Katy Perry, her music is an abomination of God.”
Reports indicate that Tebow and the lucky lady exchanged wedding vows at the Best Little Chapel just before sneaking into the Flamingo hotel for their night of passion.
“He was a bit tipsy, but he said ‘blah blah, something wedlock, blah blah,’ who cares, he paid triple my usual price,” said Elvis impersonator/Minister BoBo Jones. “We did the vows, but changed some words like, ‘Lin sickness and Lin health.’ No one’s done that one yet, right?”
Tebow asked the media to leave him and his new bride alone while they honeymoon in Jerusalem, and some fans are disappointed at Tebow’s sudden decision to get hitched.
“I’m shocked,” said Broncos’ diehard Kenny Gorak. “Not the fact that he got married, good for him, more so for the fact that they stayed in the Flamingo. The Flamingo? Really? Step your game up, Timbo.”