Hordes of American men are seeking anti-depressant prescriptions from their doctors after learning the NFL season came to an end Sunday night.
Apparently, the phenomenon—known by most as “February”—strikes annually. The affliction lasts from the week after the Super Bowl until the second week of March, coinciding with the beginning of the NCAA men’s basketball tournament.
Psychologist Frank Bauman explained the malady.
“At first, guys just think they’re really hung-over from their Super Bowl party. They report wandering aimlessly in front of their televisions, ultimately feeling unfulfilled,” he said. “It’s not usually until Valentine’s Day that they realize they’re spending more time with their wives or girlfriends. Then the misery really sets in.”
For the last five years, drug makers have reported record sales of anti-depressants during the 30-day period. Bauman explained the spike.
“It’s pretty much all a doctor can do. I’ve tried suggesting the Daytona 500 or the NBA All-Star game, but I’ve actually had patients kill themselves after being subjected to such mediocre entertainment.”
Chicago native Jerry Haplet first realized the depression after last year’s Super Bowl.
“Yeah, I actually thought I was just bummed because the Packers won. Then for a while, I thought I was depressed because Jim Hendry was still running the Cubs,” he said. “Then I realized I just missed watching grown men beat the hell out of each other like modern day gladiators.”
Since then, Haplet has been treating himself for the condition.
“I usually take a Prozac or two, chase it with a few beers, and fall asleep on the couch while my wife watches ‘House Hunters’,” said Haplet. “I’ve come to accept it as a fact of life. Plus it’s a great way for me to have an excuse to abandon my family when the NCAA tournament begins!”