Just hours after signing supposed Japanese phenom pitcher, Yu Darvish, to a $60 million deal, the Texas Rangers have made an unprecedented play for Japanese legend and known terror, Godzilla.

Reports indicate that, just as in the Darvish deal, the Rangers posted an ungodly $50 million fee to have the mere right to talk to the mythical lizard beast—thus pushing the total signing cost north of $100 million.

Rangers CEO Nolan Ryan explained the acquisition.

“I’ve not seen ‘God-Z’ in person, but judging from his movies, he’s a true force to be reckoned with,” said Ryan. “I think he needs to work on his appreciation of the strike zone … and his appreciation for human life. After that, we’ve got ourselves a diamond in the rough.”

A Japanese holding company, Wii Tuuk Yuu, Inc., negotiated the incredible sum from the Rangers, who seemed eager to flush more money down the toilet in the wake of the club’s recent blockbuster TV contract. The transaction for Godzilla has done nothing more than affirm the Rangers’ shoot-your-wad philosophy. Ryan didn’t seem to mind.

“This is a great move. Nobody scares the Japanese like Godzilla. Think of the sheer advantage we’re going to have over the Mariners when Ichiro bats. That money just saved 12 singles a year!”

When asked about Godzilla’s age and physical makeup, Ryan seemed to gloss over some glaring inadequacies.

“Sure he has alligator arms and three fingers. But the kid is strong in the legs, and his splitter kills—literally! And I don’t want to hear about his age or rumors about the use of performance enhancing drugs. He’s been running 50+ years on the souls of devoured humans. Sounds like a recipe for success if you ask me!”

In related news, the Angels have been talking to Mothra in attempts to keep up with their divisional rival.

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