After initially making waves in the media earlier this week when reports surfaced that they were interested in acquiring both Chris Paul and Dwight Howard to compliment superstar shooting guard Kobe Bryant, the Lakers have shocked the league by announcing that not only do they plan to continue pursuing Paul and Howard, they have also proposed trades for Derrick Rose, Kevin Durant, and sure, why not, LeBron James.

The Lakers front office has spent the last week fighting the league on a blockbuster trade that will see Pau Gasol, Andrew Bynum, Lamar Odom, Ron “Metta World Peace” Artest, Derek Fisher, Luke Walton, Darius Morris, Ater Majok, Andrew Goudelock, Devin Ebanks, Derrick Caracter and Steve Blake go to the Bulls, Hornets, Magic, Thunder and, what the hell, the Heat.

“When our interest in Chris and Dwight was initially expressed, a lot of people in the media doubted our ability to be able to get both of these superstars with only Bynum, Odom, and Gasol as trade assets,” said Lakers GM Mitch Kupchak. “But we remained confident that we could use the pieces at our disposal to really make this team something to fear, and we don’t plan to stop there. Once we get past this little issue with the other owners, we plan to keep right on trading until we got Derrick, Kevin, and even, uh, LeBron I guess. I never doubted us for a second.”

Jeff GoodSmith