NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has approved the use of a revolutionary new device aimed at protecting Jay Cutler against blitzing defenders. The SackShield™ was developed by Under Armour following the Bears’ first two games of the season, during which Cutler was sacked 10 times.
“Clearly Mike Martz, Lovie Smith and the Bears’ offensive line have no intentions of protecting Jay,” said Goodell. “So we worked with the players’ union and Under Armour to develop a lightweight shield he can use to fend off opposing players, beginning this week against Green Bay.”
The SackShield™ is made of a patented graphite-plastic composite, and can withstand 500 pounds of force – despite weighing just eight pounds. Cutler will be allowed to defend himself, but cannot use the shield in a “bludgeoning” manner.
“This thing is pretty sweet,” said Cutler as he swatted away Martz, who was hoping to go over Sunday’s game plan with him. “I feel like a medieval knight! All I need is a sword and I’d be as dangerous as Aaron Rodgers.”