Manny tests positive for ‘Crazy Juice’
on May 7, 2009
The red-hot Dodgers and their fans are reeling today after news broke that slugger Manny Ramirez will be handed a 50-game suspension for testing positive for what insiders are calling “Crazy Juice.”
“We don’t know what Manny was taking,” said MLB commissioner Bud Selig. “It was certainly a performance-enhancing drug, but it was like nothing we’ve ever seen before.”
The positive test helps explains Ramirez history of colorful behavior, previously chalked up to “Manny being Manny.” It turns out it was “Manny being hopped up on performance enhancing drugs.”
Ramirez was contrite has can be.
“Without the Crazy Juice, I’m just another average guy with weird hair,” said Ramirez. “It’s cool though. I’m going to spend my time off by taking a vacation on the moon.”
By Brad Zibung, founder and editor in chief